||Sunday, November 08, 2009||
you seem so long ago... | 11/08/2009 01:11:00 am
the Damien Rice's song is stuck in my head and it wont leave me alone till i straighten up my thoughts.
Very often i find myself thinking back the things i did. It's like life didnt slow down on me at all. Many things rushed by and sometimes so fast that i didnt even have time to take a good look at them. Just like texting on the phone for example, i wouldnt just let it go after i sent a "quickly-typed" text, i've got this sick habit of reading the same text that i've just sent 2 or 3 times before reassuring myself that "yes, that's just what i meant".
Well, life for me has been this way for awhile.
Sitting on the bus on my way home this afternoon, i remembered certain images of the recent birthday party my family had for all the November babies ( they only do that in November and not any other months! :( ! ). And those images started triggering memories of not so long ago, when i was a little bigger than i am now, those times with Imran to be exact and soon, i found myself way back on the timeline in 2007 , when i'm still with my ex. Suddenly, i thought,"wait a minute, where did i started?", and i worked back on the timeline again, finding myself tapping my ez-link card and moving through the half-empty (or half-full, depends on how you want to look at it (: ) bus, settled down on a seat just by a wide window.
I wonder how many of you experience this too.
CLOSER. the movie i just watched on demand for free. talked about love and sex between 4 strangers. LOVE SEX STRANGERS. oh, what a fantastic combination. I have always doubted that movie, i had the DVD, i watched it half-way on channel 5 but never so much finish watching it. "DAMNED." i thought. Here's a chance and since it's a saturday night and i'm home and i need some recreational activity, so fuck it. I'll sit and let the show humor me. And IT DID. Instaneously, i know JUDE LAW CAN TOTALLY SEX ME NOW. haha..i apologize for the bimbotic moment but it only goes to show how hot he is!
After an hour into the show, i know this is the movie i'm going to get stuck on to for the rest of my life. I'm going to be obssess in it, i'm going to learn every line (if i could and have the time (: ) and i'm going to watch it over and over again. The reason is Jude Law, no. (Well, to be honest, not only that). It's not how horny Clive Owen can seem to be, not how beautiful and weird Julia Robert's laughter is , certainly not how HAWTE Natalie Portman actually is and how needy and handsome and charming (i could go on for a thousand years) Jude Law potrayed his character or just the way he looked like.
It was the different ways love exists in the movie that survived me through the 100mins. I learnt,not only how love can seem to be, but also the different ways it can haunt a person and take on their lives. Some love are selfish, some worship sex as love, and for the others they love because believed it's true.
Life was referred to a big fat lie , in the movie. The luring truth is that it is true. We pretend to create beauty but foolish enough not to realise that the beauty we adore, are beautifully told and concealed lies.
maybe,just maybe, ponder on that....
Once again at the end of a very very long day, i stopped to wonder about what we could have turned into. I went to many places with my mind and tried to pick up from where we left. And then i realized, we seemed so long ago. That's when i started leaving because i know now, there's nothing in those places anymore.
Did i say that i loathe you?
Did i say that i want to leave it all behind? - Damien Rice, The Blower's Daughter
Erica Janael.
it'spartytime,baby
||Saturday, August 22, 2009||
Upon the skies of blue..i found you. | 8/22/2009 11:39:00 pm
i was soooooo bored, i tried to sign back on blogspot again to check out my DUST AND COB-WEBBED FILLED blog.
It's abosolutely HILARIOUS n RIDICULOUS.
I was a kid, who didnt want to admit that i'm a kid. I wish that i could say that i'm not a kid anymore. But tt's not really up to me. Perhaps, time moulds people. Things that happened changed people. And that's what it did to me.
It brings back the ever-so sensational and enjoyable memories. ha! now, it's the time i can say "Those were the days....". :)
Well, 2 or 3 years ago,when i still bothered to blog, my dad was not ill, he was not diagnosed of Lymphoma and he was, still very much alive. He was my dad, my old man, my not-so-close-friend, my papa. He was fierce, bad tempered and i often cant escape from his chiding if i've done something outrageous, like i still do.
But soon after he found out he was not his old-self anymore, things changed in these family. a bittersweet way i would describe.
Papa's more mellow, mom's turned more caring for pa and the 3 of us,sisters would bury our heads together to discuss what to do to "save" daddy whenever pa's off to the hospital. Pa couldnt and didnt want to raise his voice at us anymore. He would let da jie make many decisions, he even had to allow her to take over his role as a breadwinner for the family. He harboured much shame and guilt that he had to pass on the baton to his daughter who was then, only 25. Pa was a kind and gifted man. He taught me whatever he can in the everyday life and i really miss the little lessons that he made for me. He often exaggerate them so that i would find it interesting. But it's not the only his "lessons" that i missed, it's his voice, his laughter when he was telling those stories and his smile...
Pa is gone for almost a year now. There is no word in the world that could measure how much i could talk about and what i would want to say to him. I've done enough stupid things and made enough heartless decisions to be dragged to hell. I've neglected Pa for the most part. Chosen someone who let me down in the end. I'll never be able to forgive myself...
The tattoo on my back says "World's #1 Dad" and in about 2 weeks time the name "Michael" will be engraved into my skin. It's the greatest honour for me to have you as a father,Pa. what you did and what you've gone through is undoubtedly the bravest. For us and for yourself, you fought to the very end.
I'm sorry Pa. I love you too..
-Unfillial Child
Erica Janael.
it'spartytime,baby
||Sunday, January 06, 2008||
i am not good. | 1/06/2008 07:44:00 pm
me?no where near being fine.i am not good.not fine.
things really sucks.they're wrong.and i've done all i could.i've been trying.even trying not to do anything,afraid that doing too much seems trying too hard. i am not good. i cant even tear now. i do not have the strength and i need it,to move on. so if u hear me lord, help me.
sometimes,it really makes me wonder.am i happier than i was before? does he really ever care..does he need me in his life at all..is this how he defines love,which is so different, soo very different from the others. am i or will i ever be important to somebody, somebody i really love? why am i always facing all these. i deserve every ounce of attention he can give, but he's not giving any at all.perhaps a little more than an ounce. i deserve love, the rightful treatment of a girlfriend, the unconditional care and concern just like how much i put in for him.
i really love him, unquestionable. But does he? an absolute mystery.
Erica Janael.
it'spartytime,baby
||Saturday, November 17, 2007||
bittersweet | 11/17/2007 05:14:00 pm
dont you find it amazing how a blog catches all that kinda wonderful feeling and keeps it there forever when u enter an entry? i got reminded of the bittersweet memories of the last few entries i've posted..bitter and sweet indeed..
nothing is as magical as reading ur diary... it rekindles an old flame in your heart...
i remembered how we used to love,though it wasnt even long enough for me to forget...and i still love u the same way and even more..
it feels special when we're in love..
it is magical..when i witness our growth in faith n love for one another..
Erica Janael.
it'spartytime,baby
||Friday, September 21, 2007||
cheers to class politics! again. | 9/21/2007 08:39:00 pm
Hey all the cool and the not-so-cool crowd out there!I'm back. back back back.yes, my ass is right here.down here once and yet again!=) BIG HELLO FOLKS,dudes,bros,sisters,whatever. urgh. =T
anyways, looks like it's a pretty freezing war out there huh? people shunning each other and avoiding or they claim they are not but they are....and so on. But people, just like what justin sang about,what goes around comes around, babesssss.u know what i mean,right? Well, after all,we've been friends,u know,been thru the kinda thick n thin parts of our life in that damned f*cked up school. so,why forget bout the love we used to have. why do this to each other. This isn't a fun thing to do? i still wanna meet all of them up every now and then and i really wish i don't have to do the same thing twice just to cater to two groups of ppl who were actually very great friends before anything has happen,u know what i mean??????
love's the shit people..dont ever forget bout the love..
written somewhere in september..
Erica Janael.
it'spartytime,baby
||Thursday, May 03, 2007||
can you feel me now.... | 5/03/2007 01:34:00 am
Ooohhh...i'm so busy so busy so busy.....
But i love my life being soo overly-occupied.(okay,i dont even think that's an english word but whatever.)
Hmmm,with another space in my world being filled up.My life becomes fuller again.
Perhaps,i'm finally completed.Perhaps,i've found the last peice of my puzzle.At least,i hope so.
=)
'' What did you say.... I know I saw you saying it... My ears won't stop ringing... Long enough to hear... Those sweet words... What did you say.... And now the day... The hour hand has spun... Before the night is done... I just have to hear... Those sweet words... Spoken like a melody..."-----------Norah Jones,Those Sweet Words.
Erica Janael.
it'spartytime,baby
||Monday, April 30, 2007||
| 4/30/2007 06:09:00 pm
I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!---------RICA
Erica Janael.
it'spartytime,baby
||||
| 4/30/2007 06:03:00 pm
i luv erica!!!!!!!!!----KDY.
Erica Janael.
it'spartytime,baby
