||Tuesday, October 31, 2006||
i can feel it. | 10/31/2006 12:15:00 am

i can seriously feel my life's going down now.it's been a bad year for me.well,i could only remember more bad moments than good ones. maybe,the good ones werent enough to cover up the hole inside my heart.

last week's been a rough and tough week for me.i fought with my bf again.yes,again. i was so mentally uptight, i felt like i couldnt shake off the stress up in my head.But in reality,i actually did nothing last week.i was just stupidly caught up with some issues of my own, and it had an spillover effect on my bf.i doubt he's love last week,complaining he wasnt there for me while i was desperately screaming for help.well, he really wasnt there at all.But, he HAD his REASONS why. and it was the O levels. THE BIG O IN S'PORE. in this case,not orgasm but O'lvls.
i hate it when this BIG O come between us. we thought we could always worked things out,no matter what the heck the matter is.but no.

for a few days,i was angry then it turned into frustrated then into pure,cold sadness. I WAS TORN.
i was totally broken into pieces.i missed him so much,i cant believe it.i wanted to hold him right away.and that's when i do stupid things.i always do stupid things when i let my heart controls ME,instead of my brain.here,i will not tell what are the things i did but u best believe it's stupid.that's when we start our arguement.i started pouring and pouring out stuffs that i went thru in that week,he started saying i was being paranoid and unreasonable,MY GOD,it was horrible.

but when i got home after that,i felt like a rotten egg.i was bad to be hard on him at such a crucial period of his lifetime.yes,friends,yes.i did apologise.i guess he sorta accepted it half-heartedly.he's still cold to me,but i know he's still there for me.and i'm always here for my honey.my cutey sweety lil piggy.aight,that sounds gross.but anyway,there's still this one thing that i disapprove him to do. IT IS TO GO TO A JUNIOR COLLEGE.i cant take this,if he's going there,i'm done. u guys must be in bewilderment.well,it's bcos i've seen my friends and family and how they struggle so hard and unhealthily,both physically and mentally,just to keep in competition with others whose much more talented intelligent and smart.u know those geeks are born this way.but i know,it's definitely not my bf.not that he's not smart and intelligent,it's just that those people are way ahead of him,and i dare say that i'm the last person on earth that would want to see him suffer.He obviously doesnt know how i feel about it,or maybe he just thought it was a very selfish or personal idea.I BET IT'S NEVER GONNA BE THAT WAY.

but no matter what he does,i'm always there to support him.let's just hope that he makes the right decision.

anyways,back to my own.now that i have this very special platform to say what i wanna say,i feel so much better.it's kinda de-stressing.it's just so true that spitting it all out is so much better than swallow it all in...sounds hmmmm weird...okay,guys dont think the dirty way.i was refering to problems,what on earth you guys were thinking?!?!

JUST JOKING.

Erica Janael.

it'spartytime,baby